When our spark nerves calm;
The night lingers cold with our
breath marks hanging
on clothwires that pop at times
and shock us back
from when we were children
with bigger dreams and
different fears about the world
and how we touch
skin; no longer on [electrical] fire,
feelings slow to fade and life
gently slips back in, in riots
and hidden thoughts we both feel
closing in on eachother
Do you gasp from the sudden
I_cannot_have_you,_but_
I_need_this_here_and_now
[with fingers unsettled:
lifting and letting go and pulling
pulling life from our pourous bodies]. do
these love-lust words find their way,
sneakily, into your chest bones/
where can you feel the entirity?
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Comments
it's very powerful. I particularly like how the last stanza is dominant over whoever the poem is for, as in 'say "yes, of course", or i shall hurt you'.
the part describing your childhood should perhaps make mention of the recurring motif, electricity, which, by the way, is used very imaginatively.
i also like the way you can't tell if it's about fighting or sex.
lol the last stanza wasn't meant to be as you've taken it,
but i like that approach a lot.
i like that idea. how about;
The night lingers cold with our
breath marks hanging
on clothwires that pop at times
and shock us back
from the time when we were children
with bigger dreams and
different fears about the world
and how we touch
thanks for the compliment
and it's definately not about fighting
--
Love is my favorite food.
i'll be watching you
thanks, again
--
Love is my favorite food.
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